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[征文作品] 【色城2010文心雕龙吃吃cccccc 不爸爸爸爸爸爸

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评委:stimulant3
评分.7
评论:
构思不错,用梦境代替现实,把生活中的疑虑、烦恼和忧愁以及发泄都用做梦表现出来,也符合生活规律。
前面写的繁琐,其实都可一笔带过,这样重点就突出。
捉虫:
1。血压最近有些高,在(再)说还得给女儿做饭呢?
2。医生和护士不搞点龌龊就对不起全世界似地,(的)
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  • fireice 金币 +30 有效! 2011-1-11 13:36

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